Tonight

By January 23, 2010Blog

I almost didn’t come.

I kept saying to myself: but she’s a cat! You are flying 2000 miles to see a cat!

And then trying not to cry.

My best friend Jason put it this way:

If a friend of yours was dying, you would go to her side and be there for her…

…and your friend just happens to be a cat.

And he’s right.

So I’ve been sitting with my friend all day, alternately petting her or watching as she politely and sluggishly walks a little distance away to throw up. She’s been throwing up more and more frequently as the day goes on. I clean up after her, and then watch to see if she needs anything.

Lorraine came by this morning to administer a subcutaneous dose of fluids. She showed me where to inject the needle, and how much to give her, in case Zoe needed another shot in the night.

And we wait.


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  • dewey

    Thanx for making the trip. It may seem silly to others but makes the best kind of sense to me. You’re there because it matters, and it matters because it’s love…

  • http://twitter.com/Cornaum Coralie

    I have been following Zoe’s progress and it saddens me so much because I have been in the same situation as you and Neil are going through. My thoughts are with you, you are an amazing young woman Olga.

  • beouwolfe

    I know how hard this must be for you. Our (my wife and I) first cat, Autumn, was our baby more than any of our others have been. She had always had health problems and she needed to be put to sleep a few years ago. It was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I hope that your last couple days with her are peaceful. Just reading how much Zoe means to you brings back memories of how much Autumn meant to me. My heart and thoughts are with all of you.

  • http://www.kylecassidy.com kyle cassidy

    all she knows is the love & that she wants to be with you.

  • http://www.elizabethmorgan.net Beth

    It makes perfect sense to me. Before Chloe, the daughter of my Samantha and sister to my Tabitha, died I had to visit. I didn’t travel nearly as far as you have and Chloe wasn’t my best friend but I was there hours after she was born and lived with her for months. That bond never died.
    Cats crawl into our hearts. Zoe sounds very special even for creatures as wonderful as cats. I’m so glad you were able to get there in time and be with her.
    My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Neil, Lorraine, Kyle, etc. in the coming days.
    Love is the most powerful magic in the world. Your love for Zoe and hers for you is eternal no matter what happens with her body.
    My heart goes out to you,
    Beth

  • joely

    Zoe is in my thoughts and prayers.

  • LBD

    Hello Olga. Jason is a good and kind friend to put things in perspective like that. A friend in need is just that, no matter if they have feet or paws. Thanks to you, and to Neil, for sharing all this with the rest of us. I’ve been in tears all day for a little cat I’ve never met, not only because she’s dying. No matter how much they’re loved, little cats always die. But also because I recognize what you and Neil and his family are going through. I lost three of my cats to tainted pet food and I’m still not over it. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this now, but it also gives me comfort that you’d care so much not only to travel 2000 miles to be with Zoe, but to share it. Many people are thinking of the two of you through the long night. I hope that helps.

  • http://YogaGal'sMonologues Yoga GAL

    My heart breaks for poor Zoe but love is the best medicine! My prayers will be with the poor little creature tonight!

  • http://nerdygirlguide.blogspot.com/2010/01/cats-and-their-people.html LA Smith

    Sad as the situation is, I think it’s amazing and wonderful that you made the trip. The power of love is just awesome, and you’ll carry Zoe’s love with you forever.

  • http://www.carnivaloftherandom.blogspot.com Kristen McHugh

    No matter how daft it may seem to people who don’t consider animals to be part of their family, you’ve done what you need to do. As adults, we create our families. Sometimes that includes family of the furry variety. Zoe is obviously an incredibly special cat, if she’s drawn the incredibly allergic into her sphere of love and purrs.
    In what can only be a bittersweet, borrowed sort of time, please know that our thoughts are with you, Neil, Lorraine, Kyle, and all who love Zoe.

  • Wyman Brent

    It is wonderful what you did for your friend Zoe. It is also wonderful what Zoe has done for so many years to inspire such love. Love and be loved and clearly Zoe knows that well.

  • Clara

    Makes total sense to me. You always promised her you’d come back for her.
    You have.

  • http://themusingsofmissfifi.blogspot.com/ MissFifi

    Trust me, having been through this, Zoe appreciates you being there for her as she knows it is all love. My thoughts and prayers for you and yours during such a difficult time.

  • Lori Skelton

    What better gift can any creature have? No-one should have to make this last journey alone. My tears and love go to all of you, especially when one of my two furries falls asleep on MY face tonight.

  • Rob

    Anyone that has ever loved an animal would understand why you made the trip to be with her. The compassion we learn from having pets is a precious, wonderful thing. They teach us so much, in such a simple and honest way.
    I have been thinking about little Zoe and all the people who love her the past few days and all of you will continue to be in my thoughts.

  • http://ephemeraetc.blog-city.com Erin

    Hey. I found this through your friend Neil’s blog, but I wanted to comment to you because you came so far to see Zoe.
    I had to let my dog go a few months ago and vacillate between unbelievable love and unbelievable sads. Usually a combination of the two. I miss her. I’m writing this now because of the people who wrote to me when I thought I was being silly because she was JUST a dog. Which of course she wasn’t, just like I’m sure Zoe isn’t just a cat. You’ll be glad you traveled for her.

  • Oswaldo

    Dear Olga,
    People like you really but really make this world better.
    Your kindness and the empathy of so many people who comment here, inspire everyone to rise.
    I’m certain that Zoe’s transit will be full of love.
    She will be remembered.

  • vulpesferox

    Dear Wonderful Olga,
    I too had a remarkable “Zoe” cat in my life. When it was time for her to go, I made sure I was the only and last person she saw, heard, and felt. I wanted her to know that I was there with her through the whole thing. I felt it was important, because we cannot explain to our animals what is happening to them and why, and it breaks my heart. We can’t tell them how it’s going to end, even though we know. They don’t think in those terms, they think in The Now. All these beautiful creatures know is Now.
    You are true and kind to Zoe for being there with her, so that she can feel happiness and comfort in your presence. And when the time comes for Zoe to go, her Now will be you and Neil. I bet she wouldn’t want it any other way.
    Bless you both for all the love you deservedly received from Zoe, and for the love you gave in return.

  • Jill

    Olga, better to think yourself silly and be there at the end…than to NOT be there at the end and regret it for the rest of your life. Zoe will be glad to have you near, and you will be glad to be near Zoe.
    I did not want to be in the same room at the vet’s office when the light left my beloved Tommy’s eyes, but I never would’ve been able to forgive myself if I hadn’t been there for him at the end. It hurt like torrential hell, but I owed him that kindness for everything he’d given me.
    As I wrote to Neil and to Lorraine, many hearts will be holding you and Zoe today. You will not be alone.
    [This may show up twice – I’m not sure the first post took.]

  • boomermuse

    Olga, as a cat lover, I’ve learned that the object of our love or grief are the same, whether we have two legs or four. Sending you healing light from all the cat lovers at Cat Saturday.

  • Serena Culfeather

    You did a wonderful thing for a dear friend who was blessed with some dear friends herself. That makes you amazing. hugs xx

  • http://www.trishacornelius.com Trisha

    Dear Olga,
    My heart goes out to you. Having lost one of my cats just over a week ago I understand your pain. It definitely makes sense to take the trip for someone (yes, cats are someones – just fourlegged someones) you love.
    All the best.
    Trisha

  • Nathan Zimmerman

    My deepest condolences for your loss. Your post pays homage to a wonderful being with whom all she came in contact left better for it.

  • Sonia

    I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m so very glad that you took the trip.

  • Christine Reynolds

    Good for Jason! He’s absolutely right. I’m so glad you went to say goodbye to Zoe. I don’t even know you, but I love you for doing that.
    This whole thing hits pretty close to home (except I spent $2000+ instead of flying 2000 miles), so I feel for all of you. You’re in my prayers.

  • oldfatherwilliam

    You’re clearly a better human than most of us. But yeah, I hope I’d have done as you did.

  • Samantha

    I would fly to Pluto and back if one of my cats needed me. Zoe had such a beautiful face and I honestly wish I could have held and petted her, not ever knowing her personally. My heart has really been touched by all of this. Now you have a furry little angel to watch out for you.